Sleepwalking through life…
…an exhaustion that rest does not ease.
Holding the right pieces… but lost on their placement.
The masochistic mind,
punishing body and soul.
The lullaby of your creation,
Found.
Its lyrics reignite the memories of your divine purpose.
The journey has just begun.
It feels like icky days happen when we are the most prepared to make that day go well… but maybe we are setting ourselves up in a way when we do that.
New outfit, up early, big smile in the mirror… then, BAM… the day attacks with no mercy. I suppose it’s also a good thing to remember to choose our battles.
I over analyze anyway, but today in particular I am asking myself…
* Where does this frustration/anger come from…? Is it about what is happening on the surface, or does it go deeper?
* Why can’t you just accept some things for how they are and move on?
* Why are you taking this so personally?
A day of pondering….. and writing… I think I have more to write… but for now I am off to the acupuncturist and this is what has come up so far…
Say you’re sorry,
Be a good girl.
Just accept?
It starts to build inside…
Anger… resentment…
Look inward…
Take control over your feelings.
Remember your gifts.
The past few weeks, I have had virtually no symptoms of my “C Teacher” (calling it Crohn’s Disease feels so negative, I think of it as a guide and a tool to help me tune it with my body). This positive shift has helped my state of mind tremendously.
When I got out of the hospital in April, I was pumped to make some more tweaks in my wellness plan (diet, stress management techniques, etc) and beat the odds. Things were on the up and up, but my increased energy was false, supported by the predisone that I was taking each morning.
Coming off the steroids was hard on my body, and a little over a month after being an inpatient, my momentum started to wane. My acupuncturist also does Reiki and energy healing. When she checked my Orange Chakra (located at the lower abdomen), it was closed… and wouldn’t stay open. My other chakras in that area were having trouble as well. It was like I had stuck energy that wouldn’t move.
I started to get so upset with my body. I was disappointed that even with all of my disciplined efforts, I was still struggling with feeling poorly. Something was missing.
It was my creativity… the part of me that I had been inadvertently ignoring because I was so consumed with diet change and other methods. I forgot what really balanced me… expressing myself through words and sharing and creating… everything this site has helped nurture for me. I now feel energy moving freely through me… and onto my journal, sketchbook, and this site. 
No matter what environment we find ourselves in, there are choices. Even if the choices are limited… even if the only choice is our attitude.
I was letting this concept suffocate me. I felt backed into a corner… I took it personally… and my attitude soured.
I have processed this whole concept again and I realized that our attitude is the most important choice we can make… and that is pretty awesome. We are in total control… we just have to remember that.
Strip away the faded exterior,
Trust what lies underneath…
Allow it to shine… to soar.
Even amidst the tainted air,
It will flourish.
How you carry yourself as a woman can be tricky, at least for me. In daily life I want to be confident, without being bitchy… I want to be sexy, without being slutty…. I want to be friendly, without being flirty… and ultimately I want to be respected. But, I want to have fun as well- and I want to be bitchy and slutty and flirty when the situation calls for it!
Passion and control and respect have been on my mind today and this came out of those thoughts…
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Indoor stargazing.
Head full of promise.
Eyes the color of a winter sky.
In this moment, every season shares the space…
…every emotion is set aflame.
Breathe in the fire,
Breathe out the ice.
The twinkle of passion leaves a permanent impression.
My husband and I were discussing the whole “it could be worse” concept this morning. I think that notion has the potential to do harm. I mean, sure you can always come up with a situation that is more severe than yours… but that’s a reason to settle…?… a reason to just accept things how they are…?… a reason to just stop striving for something more?
I think this notion has stunted my growth in the past.
I like, “it could be better” …
ahhhh… it is all about balance. Yin and yang.
Quotes I am relating to today….
“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
“Our own life has to be our message.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
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It is most definitely time to paint. I have enough writings to incorporate into artwork and I think that’s why my own prose isn’t surfacing today. Tomorrow I will be purchasing art supplies.
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I was reading old emails today that were from the time of my first colonoscopy (April 2008) I was so naive then to what my body needed. I was scared of food, unsure of what to eat. I was at the beginning of so much. It was satisfying to realize how far I have come in two years.
Time for Hatha Yoga…:)
love and light,
Brandy
I have now been married to my best friend for 8 months… (last week on the 16th to be exact)…
I was so proud of how the wedding came out… down to the programs, the music, the vibe… it was all so “us”
Here are the vows that we spoke to one another on that day… October 16, 2010.
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“On behalf of Jerry and Brandy and their families, I would like to welcome each of you here today. Each one of you has been asked here today because your love, your encouragement, and your support have been so valuable to them; and because you are so special to them, they felt it was important that you be here today to witness and to celebrate this new chapter in their lives. Welcome.”
Who presents this woman to be married to this man?
(Richard Scheble answers, “I do.”)
Today we are gathered together to witness and to bless the joining together of Jerry and Brandy in marriage. Marriage is a beautiful relationship between two people. It is a union founded on love.
I’d like for you to give your bouquet to your Maid of Honor and join hands.
I asked you to join hands as a symbol of the union that you are making here today. I’d like you to think about the hands that you are holding
These are the hands of your best friend
Holding your hands on your wedding day
Promising to love you and to work together as you build your future together.
These are the hands that will give you
Strength when you need strength
Tenderness when you need tenderness
And love when you need love.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes
Tears of sorrow
But also tears of joy.
These are the hands that will hold all those whom you love.
These are the hands that years from now will still be searching for your hands,
Still seeking the love, encouragement and support
That each of you seeks from the other.
Jerry and Brandy, when you think about it, this love and this friendship that you share are really the same thing… but they are a love and a friendship that have caught fire and soar above everything else in life. You know that wherever you go and whatever you do, you two are a team facing life together.
A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.
Excerpt from “The Bridge Across Forever” – Richard Bach
Declaration of Intent to Marry and Wedding Vows:
And so here you are today to say your marriage vows to one another. It’s important that you both understand that the vows that you are about to make cannot be made lightly but with a great deal of consideration and respect. With that in mind, I’m going to ask you the following question:
First Groom:
Jerry do you take Brandy to be your wife; to live together in marriage, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others be faithful to her for as long as you both shall live? Yes, I do.
Then please repeat this vow after me: (while looking at BRIDE)
I, Jerry, take you Brandy to be my wife.
To have and to hold
From this day forward.
I promise to be your true and loyal husband
And to love and honor you always.
I do this because
I love you today
I will love you tomorrow
And I will love you forever.
Brandy are you ready to say your marriage vows to Jerry? (YES)
Then please answer this question:
Brandy do you take Jerry to be your husband; to live together in marriage, to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others be faithful to him for as long as you both shall live? Yes, I do.
Then please repeat this vow after me: (while looking at GROOM)
I, Brandy, take you Jerry to be my husband.
To have and to hold
From this day forward.
I promise to be your true and loyal wife
And to love and honor you always.
I do this because
I love you today
I will love you tomorrow
And I will love you forever.
Rings Exchange:
Throughout time, the ring has been a symbol of unending love, because like time, the ring has no beginning and no end. It is a circle — the emblem of eternity.
Jerry, do you have such a symbol of your love?
Please place her ring on her ring finger and repeat to her after me:
Brandy, I give you this ring
As a symbol of my love.
And as a reminder
That I have chosen you
To be the one
To share my life.
Brandy, do you have such a symbol of your love for Jerry?
Please place his ring on his ring finger and repeat after me:
Jerry, I give you this ring
As a symbol of my love.
And as a reminder
That I have chosen you
To be the one
To share my life.
Sand Blending Ceremony:
Jerry and Brandy, you have just sealed your relationship by the giving and receiving of rings. This beautiful union is symbolized through the combining of these two individual colors of sand. The first color represents you Jerry, in all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be, and the other color represents you Brandy, in all that you were, all that you are and all that you will ever be. Each one holds its own unique beauty, strength, and character. They can stand on their own and be whole, without need of anything else. However when these two are blended together they create an entirely new and extraordinarily more intricate entity. Each grain of sand brings to the mixture a lasting beauty that forever enriches the combination. Please pour the sand into this common container to symbolize the union of your two lives. This container of sand now represents your new life together, although you are two separate people your lives are now entwined as one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will your marriage be a molding of two individual personalities, bonded together forming one heart, one love. The life that each of you experienced now, individually, will hereafter be inseparably united, for the two shall become one.
Pronouncement and Kiss:
Jerry and Brandy, you have made your marriage vows to one another, witnessed by your guests — your friends and relatives, you have sealed your vows with the giving and receiving of these rings, and you have represented your union with the sand blending ceremony. So now, by the power vested in me by the State of Florida, I pronounce you husband and wife and invite you to kiss one another. (Kiss)
Ladies and gentlemen. It gives me great pleasure to introduce:
Mr. and Mrs. Jerry and Brandy Harris
