Monthly Archives: June 2011

Jun20

mend your wings.

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Perspective is so powerful.  When we shift our perspective, we shift our world… our reality. It’s really a simple concept, yet; I have to constantly remind myself.

Every once in awhile I have this little epiphany and I think, “wow, just shifting my thoughts and actions slightly can increase my feeling of peace X 10000000000.”  Then the world starts to wear me down, I get tired, I get in a rut.  I am learning, though. :) As I travel along the road of life I have found out how to create change that I can commit to, and I have learned to let things go that just don’t fit me.

 

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I decided to write a letter to the universe today.  Being in a stage of transition, I wanted to explicitly ask for any new adventures that may be calling me.  I keep hearing the phrase “divine purpose”… search for it… so I decided to ask for just that…

 

Dear Universe,

 

Please consider me for a divine purpose that best exhibits and enhances my natural gifts.

 

  • Excellent ability to put others at ease.
  • Strong sense of self.
  • Lover of creativity in the aspects of fashion, writing, and décor.
  • Passion for helping others who also desire to help themselves.

 

Major strengths that I bring to the world are my successful experiences in learning from mistakes, maintaining balance, and focusing on the positive.

 

I  look forward to hearing from you in the near future.  Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Sincerely,

Brandy

 

 

Jun19

letter to my dad…

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My dad recently celebrated his 70th birthday and I wrote him a letter as one of his gifts.  This was actually one of the triggers to help me start writing again.

I wanted to share the letter here, and today being father’s day, it was serendipitous.


Happy Birthday, Dad.  I am so lucky that I get to call you that… when I was growing up I assumed every little girl had an amazing man to look up to.   I am the healthy and happy woman I am today because of the amazing job you and Mom did raising me. 

I vividly remember how concerned you were when I kept getting upset in my first dance class (I had to be about 3 years-old), you wanted to make it all better and fix it for me, and I just didn’t want you to worry.  I also remember you stopping to get me medicine when I was sick on your way home from work when we were still living in Missouri.  You got me cherry and I wanted grape and I complained.  I then felt incredibly guilty because you felt bad that I didn’t like it.  Our time we spent together reading also had a huge impact on me. I so looked forward to sitting with you in your big chair reading “Dick and Jane” books.  The reason I find comfort and expression with and through literature and writing is linked directly to those moments. 

As I grew, so did our relationship.  We moved to Florida and we all adjusted. You and Mom started the sod business. I have an incredible work ethic because of you.  Never a complaint, never a sick day.   

I went through my rebellious stage at the end of middle school and you and mom dealt with it, I apologize for that! In my high school years you supported my continued education and helped so much with my applications for scholarships and colleges. 

In my college years you and I took a quick road trip to Missouri to pick up a motorcycle and it was incredibly special. I was around 20 then and it was just you and me getting to know each other as adults.

The first time I was in the hospital you were my advocate, asking all the questions I was too sick to ask. 

The day I got married was so perfect with you walking me down the aisle.  Jerry was added to our family and I knew he was the “one” because of the beautiful interactions I witnessed between you and Mom while growing up.  Jerry and I have the same respect that you and Mom have for each other.  We are friends who share a deep love, and we remain our own unique selves… again, just as you and Mom do.  I couldn’t be more thankful for the lessons I learned about love from you both.

 I can list a thousand memories… a thousand moments… highlighting the incredible father and person you are. Our relationship now is a strong friendship based on respect, love, and constant support.   I have always been, and continue to be, so honored to be your daughter. I am so proud of you and constantly brag to anyone who will listen about your talents, endeavors, strength, and resiliency.  On your birthday I wanted to tell you from my heart how very much I love you.  Thank you for making me so happy and proud to be “Daddy’s little girl”.  Always.

Jun18

challenge your thoughts.

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During the work week I crave time off, looking forward to the weekend.  However, if I am not in the right frame of mind I can turn that free time into something negative… forgetting to appreciate every moment, allowing negative thoughts to creep in.  This can be complicated by how I am feeling physically- but just a shift in thinking and my body responds as well— and any fatigue or other symptoms lessen.  This site has been giving me a place to process and share… giving any extra time a structure that is truly healing me.

 

My goal next is to start painting, incorporating my writings in the paintings, and then posting pictures on this site…

There are also so many quotes, ideas, amazing people, recipes, etc. I will be sharing as time passes.

 

This morning I awoke to my amazing little family, my husband and cat… and I wrote this…

 

Forget what you have taught yourself about shortcomings and setbacks.

Find your joy,

and extend it.

That joy will fill the gaps that you have created,

suffocating old beliefs.

Negativity stagnates.

Positive energy cannot be contained,

release it.

 

 

Jun16

“it’s up to me now, turn on the bright lights.”

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my head has been swimming with lyrics all day.

How timely that I have been writing again… I think without this expression I would be ill with anger and angst.

I processed a lot today…  and these words came together…

Promise kept to myself,
to my soul.
Perish the fire with cool restraint,
Exchange the anger for freedom.

No more affirming nods,
or quiet acceptance.
No more ignoring the pleas- the screams-
from inside my gut.
No more moral turmoil,
or twisted rationalizations.

No more seeking outward for a defender,
that title is for me to hold.

Jun15

what inspires us.

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I am discovering that I was looking for inspiration in a way that was much too broad.

I already had inspiration close at hand. It’s energizing me in such an amazing way, and in a much more natural way than the prednisone I had to take last month.

The writing is just pouring out of me… and it’s also coming to me. I shared writing with a co-worker today, and then he shared some of his with me. When something like that happens it is so mutually awesome.

This is what surfaced for me today….

The image of ourselves that we once knew.

The label we exchange for our name.

Breaking free from our own binding.

Create within, perpetuate growth…

In dimensions we had only known in dreams…

Or were they memories?

Even in the womb,

It lurked…

The beaming child, with inner darkness.

The passing moments becoming years, the darkness growing…

Threatening to extinguish the light of the beaming woman.

Seeking out the darkness with newfound courage.

Turning the darkness into a teacher.


The imagination is sanctuary when the body is sick.

The bed an island… a faraway land.

The subconscious mind playing out elaborate tales that fade when the eyes flicker.

Carefree laughter, social delight…

erased when reality knocks.

Trust the resting body, embrace the healing power…

When the sickness passes, the island awaits.

Jun14

A feeling of home…

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…when everything feels effortless…

…when the universe pushes all the negativity out of the way and clears the path because you are feeling the tug to be on the path… and you are listening.

I am listening now.

This website gives me that feeling of home… which is interesting as this is the first post. Just the idea of this website makes me feel at home, a place to share everything that makes me feel deliciously alive.

I had almost forgotten how much writing heals me. I was writing appeal letters to insurance companies for my work, but the words were so lifeless. I like imagery and metaphors, that’s my jam. Insurance appeal letters are not my jam.

I am at place on my journey that is so full of potential…. and I am using this time to take all that I love and all that I have learned and share it and let it guide me.

I felt so free as a child… I wrote so much then… I felt the promise every moment held and that promise empowered me. I am ready to unwind back into that little blonde girl and live as her again.

Some writings I did yesterday, June 13, 2011,… although, I didn’t write them as one piece… they do go together in a way…

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dreams of persistence.
morning ache.
breathe deep-
the sun is there waiting… the warmth is there waiting.

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the words-
like the lyrics to your inner song,
are alive,
channeling your essence.
find yourself here.

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I had forgotten
the way the words and I could dance-
saturating my fibers.
organizing my scattered mind.

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Inner soul waves,
stretching to the depth of the universe.
the deep ache-
lessened.

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love and light,

brandy