Weaknesses transformed into abilities…
…when perspective fully adapts.
The realization of point of view,
A testimony to our uniqueness- and to our absolute predictability.
Simplicity initially projects complication.
A place is saved for you in the garden,
Only you can tend to the seeds of your sensitivities.
xo.
It has been almost 6 months since my last Creative Recall post. As always with my blog, I don’t force- there’s enough of that in life. No schedules or expectations here… my gut calls the shots. 
Today, I was sifting through boxes in the closet with a new pair of eyes. Things overlooked before, realized as treasures. Books previously stored away, recognized as resources to use and to share with my clients. Unopened manila folders, with a spot waiting for them in my office to help hold supplies. My professional portfolio from graduate school, filled with projects mirroring my revived passion for helping others.
A passion that was never gone… just numbed- detached from my energy.
Looking again at writings I started in a journal a year ago, right before starting this blog, I see how my light was still able to twinkle, even amidst disconnect in my life.
The brightness I am allowing to fill my life now puts beautiful perspective on even the darkest times.
Last spring, I was in an altered universe… a cosmic preparation for being so grateful 12 months later.
These are samples of writing from that space-
The seed of struggle can bear the most beautiful flower.
xo.
xo.
The chaos quells…and
…The misruled spirit activates.
Merit disregarded. —–
Channel the power from inside.
There are paths missing your footsteps-
People missing your influence.
Stop allowing harmony to be a flame on the candle of indifference.
The inkling is there, acknowledge it…
…A calling of what fuels your passion.
We are all authors of the story our life has written.
Change the wording, improve the tone.
Your biography has the power to inspire…
…The gifts you have are page-turners.
xo.
(Mostly) Wordless edition…
(-just a few of the-Things I am Grateful For.)
adorable kitties
hugs
birthday gift-giving
silliness
sunshine and flip flops
healthy escape
xo.
The heroes, the passion, the conviction… it’s not all just on a screen, in a book, on television. Feel it- it’s inside you, too.
xo.
Most of us need money to survive. There a bills and groceries and other miscellaneous costs that we are frequently confronted by multiple times a month.
One of the major questions we are asked when we are young is, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” However, the truth is, what we want to be sometimes takes a long time to figure out… and when/if we do discover what our calling is, will it pay enough to satisfy the previously mentioned costs?
There are songs and sayings and stories of being a “working man” and work sucking the life out of us. Many of us do what we can do to make ends meet, often times having to forget or ignore what we are truly passionate about. We rationalize the place we find ourselves in. “At least I have a job.”
I have not been in the working world for a huge amount of time. I spent 6 and a half years after high school in undergrad and graduate school. I did work then, at a coffee shop. It was fun, but temporary, and hardly paid what I would need now to live on my own. After I graduated with my Masters Degree at the end of 2006 it took me about 5 months to secure a “real job”. It was in my field and I was thankful for that.
I spent five years there, from May 2007 until two weeks ago.
I met amazing people there and I learned an incredible amount. However, in that setting, my ability to truly be myself was unattainable. I was constantly in defense mode. I resorted to putting a muzzle on who I was to fit in. I worked hard and enjoyed what I did, but it wasn’t what I was passionate about. I found myself spinning, but always rationalizing the fact that, “at least I have a job.”
When the opportunity to work somewhere new came up, part of me was terrified. I had been going back and forth to the same place for a long time, I had bills to pay— should I take this risk?
As I write this, on my 8th day at my new occupation, I feel such a sense of gratitude- for everything. For the past five years at a job that taught me what I needed, and what I didn’t. For a new job that has welcomed me with open arms and has allowed me to be myself. For getting back to what I am passionate about. For my Crohn’s “teacher” who has calmed and balanced (most likely because it is not trying to get my attention anymore).
For my office, that reflects who I am…
…For taking the risk.
Living in gratitude is honestly priceless. Stop rationalizing and do what you can to be there.
xo.
A finely tailored armor, sewn by the subconscious.
Concrete and black and white.
Climbing from the abyss each morning…
… The starting line, underground.
A gentle shift… emancipated from the whirlpool.
No longer gasping.
The ghosts of vulnerability purged from every division.
Happiness has a pace…
… You have aligned with its stride.
xo.
There were only two people at the gym when I walked in this morning. I saw them with my peripheral vision, but my focus was on getting to the elliptical machine.
With my earbud headphones not yet playing music, I could clearly hear the two men speaking by the weight bench.
“Are you married?” One man asked the other. “No, not anymore,” the second man said, pausing before continuing, “I lost my wife a few months ago to ovarian cancer, she died four months after being diagnosed.”
I didn’t start the music. I continued to listen.
The first man confided that he had also lost his wife, in the late 90′s, to stomach cancer. She passed away four days after their 35th wedding anniversary.
They continued to share. The man who had more recently lost his wife was angry. He cursed a few times. One of his frustrations was the reaction of others to his situation. He thought the advice of time heals all wounds was cliche and incorrect.
The first man diffused the second’s anger with understanding. He admitted to feelings of helplessness when he was caring for his wife, unable to do anything. They bonded over the guilt they still felt, wondering if they could have done more.
My eyes began to tear as the men said goodbye to each other. They both committed to letting the other know if they needed anything… and they both expressed comfort to discover their common- although tragic- bond.
I smiled as the music began to transmit through my headphones- thankful for overhearing the heartfelt conversation, and thankful that those two people had found each other.
xo.
