I started August of this year on a mission to find treatment through solely Eastern methods for my Crohn’s Disease.
This focus was consuming on many levels, but I was determined to give my all in the process.
Although circumstances proved it was not time for this kind of healing in exclusion, I have now found a (renewed) acceptance of Western therapies and a balance with my injection/medication and with vitamins/probiotics.
Through all this exertion of my entire being to discover a better quality of physical health… my emotional health depleted as well.
After coming through the medical crisis, the thoughts that began to surface weren’t as positive as with my two previous hospital stays-
Was this my fault? Was this to be the pattern of my life- work and push until I can’t, with the only break being hospital stays or sick days? Do people around me just see a sick person? Can I ever hope to lead a normal life? Will I ever be able to start a family? … etc., etc., etc.
Then, I found another way to heal. Not through Eastern or Western medicine… but through love and support. Through the connections with others.
My mom came out the weekend after I got out of the hospital. With my energy still low we did what we could… and getting myself out of my head to go on little adventures jump started my sense of well-bring that had gone numb. Being with my husband and my mom put the big picture back into focus… it shifted my perspective to one of hope.
Returning to work allowed me to realize what I had been through had not been in vain… I could use my experiences for mutual growth with my clients. By my third day back, I felt that I had gotten to the other side of this experience… the pangs of deep sadness while I went through the motions of life began to fade.
This weekend I spent time connecting with others… finally feeling energized enough to speak deeply of my experience.
Sometimes we have to go it alone. The road gets narrow and the journey calls for us to feel it… to really feel emotions that aren’t associated with sunshine and rainbows. Perhaps what is really happening is that we are actually STRONG ENOUGH to cope and handle the darker sides of life that we had pushed away or ignored? Perhaps it is these times that measure our character(?)… the lengths we return from after a free fall into darkness.
But then… when we come up for air and our breathing gets back to normal… we look around and find we aren’t alone. Others have taken a narrow road as well and are ready to embrace us on the other side… and even if they haven’t seen the darkness, there are those who just want to shine their light upon us.
In all my searching I have found that this is truly the best kind of medicine.