Tag Archives: Crohn’s Disease

Sep16

Another way to heal…

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I started August of this year on a mission to find treatment through solely Eastern methods for my Crohn’s Disease.

This focus was consuming on many levels, but I was determined to give my all in the process.

Although circumstances proved it was not time for this kind of healing in exclusion, I have now found a (renewed) acceptance of Western therapies and a balance with my injection/medication and with vitamins/probiotics.

 

Through all this exertion of my entire being to discover a better quality of physical health… my emotional health depleted as well.

After coming through the medical crisis, the thoughts that began to surface weren’t as positive as with my two previous hospital stays-

Was this my fault? Was this to be the pattern of my life- work and push until I can’t, with the only break being hospital stays or sick days?  Do people around me just see a sick person?  Can I ever hope to lead a normal life?  Will I ever be able to start a family?  … etc., etc., etc.

 

Then, I found another way to heal.  Not through Eastern or Western medicine… but through love and support.  Through the connections with others.

My mom came out the weekend after I got out of the hospital. With my energy still low we did what we could… and getting myself out of my head to go on little adventures jump started my sense of well-bring that had gone numb.  Being with my husband and my mom put the big picture back into focus… it shifted my perspective to one of hope.

 

Returning to work allowed me to realize what I had been through had not been in vain… I could use my experiences for mutual growth with my clients.  By my third day back, I felt that I had gotten to the other side of this experience… the pangs of deep sadness while I went through the motions of life began to fade.

 

This weekend I spent time connecting with others… finally feeling energized enough to speak deeply of my experience.

 

 

Sometimes we have to go it alone.  The road gets narrow and the journey calls for us to feel it… to really feel emotions that aren’t associated with sunshine and rainbows.  Perhaps what is really happening is that we are actually STRONG ENOUGH to cope and handle the darker sides of life that we had pushed away or ignored?  Perhaps it is these times that measure our character(?)… the lengths we return from after a free fall into darkness.

But then… when we come up for air and our breathing gets back to normal… we look around and find we aren’t alone.  Others have taken a narrow road as well and are ready to embrace us on the other side… and even if they haven’t seen the darkness, there are those who just want to shine their light upon us.

In all my searching I have found that this is truly the best kind of medicine.

xo.

Sep9

United Self.

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When you take away the power from the disconnect.

 

 

When you realize that you know what makes you comfortable/calm/whole…

What fits for YOU.

Then,

Life opens up to what it was meant to be…

… and there is no going back.

 

It is when we withdraw from our own inner war that we find peace has always been there, waiting.

 

xo.

Sep9

Version 4.0

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Emotion and physicality depleted…

…The core has transformed.

 

An altered version emerges.

A more steadfast mind.

A spirit of renewed certainty.

An evened pattern of respiration.

 

Eyes that have seen the darkness… but,

no morbid remnants… just,

clarity.

 

The clearing of self-imposed hang-ups, hurts, and hindrances.

 

When reduced to ashes- for the third time…

Rebuild with what is fireproof.

 

 

xo.

 

 

 

Aug21

Self-advocacy.

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I have been trying to write since Saturday.  Saturday I had enough energy to find a new outfit for a wedding Jerry and I are going to next weekend…

I uploaded these pictures and put “finish blog post” on my to-do list for Sunday.

On Sunday my body screamed “REST!”… and everything else was pushed to the side.  It took all my energy to complete the task of painting my toe nails.

I have been on the IBD Remission diet for 21 days now.  It is recommended that while on the diet, a person should take 3 weeks to rest and heal.  I couldn’t help but laugh this off (how can anyone afford to set aside that much time!?) and I pushed through days 1-18.

Day 19 was my 1st day of total rest and today is my 3rd.

I don’t want to consider the past two days “sick days”, I want to consider them “wellness days.”  I don’t want to disappoint others, but if I don’t put myself first, who will?  I tell my clients constantly to “take care of yourself first!”

I need to keep my self-talk positive.  I need to keep myself balanced and rested.  I need to facilitate healing.

I have been on the forums regarding the diet. So many people have even more severe symptoms than I do or have ever had.  I can’t let my own demons and fears sabotage this- I have come too far and I want this too badly.

My dreams have been an emotional release… such lucid images representing so many worries that have been locked away.

This experience is amazing, but my perception is such an important factor… I need support from those in my life more than ever to keep my perception positive.

I need to be reassured, understood, and loved.

Thank you to everyone who has been there for me.

… and if you want to understand more about this diet, the forums have been very helpful, and I would welcome educated insight – I think it would help me feel less alone.  I am a strong woman, but after three days of much needed healing/rest, I am missing a connection with others.

xo.

Jul29

Greet Your Fears.

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Personally, being a mental health therapist has helped me to delve through the layers of “gunk” that seem to accumulate from the time we are born.  Although the word gunk sounds icky, it isn’t all so terrible.  The hope is that the experiences we go through can “oil” the inner workings of what makes us a healthy person, providing us with lessons and empathy through first-hand knowledge.  When our soul and minds are “greased” in a positive way, our life moves smoothly.

However, inevitably the previously mentioned gunk can (and will) clog up the system.  Especially when we try and just push through it, ignoring the system(s) failure(s).

When we truly begin to look at the core issues and stop just treating the symptoms… something incredible happens.  For me, I feel lighter… more free… more at peace… really, like I imagine I felt when I was very young- before the traumas and trials of life had started to pile up.

After I push through one of these tough periods, I call it “leveling up”. :)

The word raw most accurately explains how I have felt the past few weeks.

Ironically, a quote I have had on my Facebook profile for at least the past 7 years hasn’t made as much sense as it has in recent days…

“Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.”- Tori Amos

Now, I am healing… looking around at this new “level” I have found myself on after a time when my mind and body reached depths that I am so thankful to have seen and confronted, but even more thankful to have returned from.

This past week I have regrouped and found, again, what always brought me energy before some of the gunk got so heavy… planning trips, reconnecting with friends, refocusing on wellness, living in the moment…

… and just having some FUN that doesn’t need analyzing or processing-

For example, an awesome trip to Goodwill yesterday that resulted in some treasure hunting (and treasure discovering)… and a photo-shoot (of course!)

Clean out your wounds- it will hurt and it will be terrifying… but it will also bring you peace.

xo.

Jul15

Passive Living.

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When I was very young I had strong opinions.  I made what I wanted known and I reacted without using much of a filter.

 

Around 1994-ish, when I was in the 6th grade, I started to see the benefit of “going with the flow”.  I even remember writing in my diary about how, in a world of fluctuating friendships, I was finding a happy social balance by, essentially, not making too much fuss.

 

Recently I have discovered that the balance I once found in being “laid-back” had infiltrated my wellness to an extent that I am almost embarrassed to admit.

 

Saying yes to foods I loooveeeeeee but, sadly, do not have any benefit to my sensitive gut is an awareness that I am determined to continue to acknowledge.

 

The chemical rewards of food are strong, and so are social aspects of the rituals of “meal times”, but I cannot let them seduce me continuously while my body suffers.

 

It’s never too late, to AGAIN, make a change. :)

xo.

Jul8

Learn your language.

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Acknowledge irritations, and spend time with all that soothes.

Revel in free will.

Find reassurance within.

Accept wise words, anger does have a place.

Choose to feel.

Breathe… no, really breathe.  Keep breathing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xo.